Things that gif me day and nightmarz:

It’s all so vivid….this little fur ball cat named Sweet Pea keeps coming into my dreams.. (I sleep days and nights so I haf no need to differunchiate). Anyway I saw her at a party in Canada (oh yeah, another place I’ve been to)… and she saw me. I decided to play it cool (like I didn’t wunt to haf her for lunch–it was a big famuly picnik afterall and I thot I just had to work fer my food). So I calm-shalantly made my way twords her. She must haf known whut I wuz thinking cuz she flew by me and ran down into the busment of the houze. I cut to the chase! I high tailed it aftur her. I thougt I wuz right behind her but she wuz faster. She wuz good at hiding. I excitedly looked eferywhur (didn’t occur to me to look up as I’d not been arund many catz and didn’t know they cud climb that high) so while I wuz sniffing and picking up on her scent, she wuz watching me frum above (kind of snickering under her breth the way catz do). Just as I wuz about to gif up she moved and I saw her out of the corner of my eye. I started to salivate. There wuz my hopeful lunch looking down at me. Hmmmm…. how kin I get her to trust me and come down? I knew I didn’t know cat speak so I decided to try dog speak to see if she understood it (she did co-exist with a Schnauzer afterall–I guess the schnauzer didn’t eat cat or else she wouldn’t still be alive). Well I must haf been talking loud becuz my mom came down the stairz looking fer me and calling my name saying “JACK, COME, COME HERE JACK… NO BARKING !!” Mom got to the bottum of the stairz and saw me sitting there fazing a corner of the room. She looked up and saw the cat. Mom’s prutty telligent cuz she figured out whut I wuz doing. She took me by the collar and led me back upstairz and outside to the party. She said, “you better leave that cat alone Jack or you won’t live long enuf to regret the day you wur born!” Well Sweet Pea must’ve figurd she fell under protected statuz or sumthing cuz she came waltzing by me with her dumb az tail straight up in the air all prissy like. What happund next wuz just horrible. I didn’t know catz knew karate. As she went by me she got on her hind legs and her frunt pawz were nothing but a blur. She beat the crap out of me (I know cuz mom had to clean it up) and I gained a lot of respekt for catz that day. I wuz hoomilated and defeated. Sweat Pea won. How embaruzing! Man…I got beat up by a stoopid cat! When I got outside, Molly (the schnauzer) came ovur to me and put her paw around my neck. She looked depp into my eyze and said… “humiliating izn’t it?” At that moment I knew I wuzn’t the only dog to get beat up by a cat. Molly and I hung out for the rezt of the day together by the pool and picnic tables getting pet and fed by all the kids.
It wuz a good day. I still had my life, I made a new friend and my tummy wuz full. In a dogs life that’s a very good day.

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