So while out fer my wulk lazt Friday I saw Fifi. She and I sniffed hello and thun she proceeded (in dog speak) to tell me her male human got a job uffer and she’z prubly moving to anothur state culled Wizconsin, in the summur. She’s upsut abut leafing and I curtainly I don’t wunt her to go. Fifi is vury populer and efery dog wuntz to play with hur at the bark park. I dun’t wunt her to go becuz Fifi getz me. She takez the time to lusten to me and she alwaz smulls good. (Plus, thoze French Puddles haf a way with sniffing butt unlike any uther dog. It’z a gift. I go outta my way to find her whun I’m out wulking.) Anyway, I had to think qwickly so I tuld her Wizconsin duzn’t have cheeze. She wuz like, “WHAAAA? NO CHEEZE IN WIZCONSIN? Aw heck no, I can’t go thur then!” I tuld her I hurd it on Animul Planet and they don’t lie abut nothing on Animul Planet. (I had my pawz crozzed when I tuld her that.) I whuspured in her ear sum doggie symptums that were shure to get her human’z attenshun (I can’t betray my fellow dogz so I can’t share with you what those things are). Anyway…aftur I whuspured sum suggestshuns in her ear, she fell over, starded shaking and faked beung sik. Her femule human wuz realllly upset and said to my mom thut the potenshul move haz been hard on Fifi and her human had to go now so she cud take her to the vet. Mom offered to go with hur. I wuz like…”noooo mom… PUHLEEZE NO! We don’t haf to go too.” I knew it wud not be good if I wuz with Fifi since we talk all the time and lick each other (I am a guy and she iz a gurl after all)…and I cudn’t truzt that the vet wudn’t catch on thut Fifi wuz faking thiz whole being sik thing (they ARE very bright puple aftur all cuz they went to skool fer a long long time). So Fifi’s human thunked mom but said thut wuz not neccessary. ** WHEW** … DOUBLE WHEW*** (lookz sumthin like this U U) ..Befur they left I told Fifi she haz to sturt peeing and pooping inzide the houze too as that will make the humanz stay put and not go to Wizconsin.
Well… I haf good newz! I saw Fifi agun today and she iz realllly huppy. She told me thut she alzo faked bulomia (whur you throw up alot) and thut she overhurd her humanz talking lazt night. The male human turned down the job and Fifi and hur famuly are going to stay put. She will remain my Fifi and he’z going to remain a Redskin!!!! I am so huppy I can’t efen tell you. Fifi thunked me and laid a reallllly reallly big wet one on me. I think that’z whut you call a French kizz. (not my furst one— I AM 12 aftur all) but between uz? It really wuz the best one efer!!!! It’s good to be me.